Awkward Situations Caused By Other People’s Pets

By: Brad Manockpets

            I am not an animal person; if I ever live alone there will probably be no pets. Maybe I would get a fish tank or something but that would be it. Dogs and cats are messy and I never really understood why people would let these animals into their house. However other people are often attached to these animals and do not understand people who do not understand the concept of keeping pets. In this article I will discuss some of the things that happen when other people’s pets and socially awkward visitors meet.

 

Eww Animals

I used to have a pet cat, but growing up I would avoid dogs as much as possible. I knew that dogs had wet noses but I always assumed that this moisture was snot even though now I know that is not the case. The moisture on dogs’ noses is used to assist in smelling. Dogs, to me, were just these disgusting animals who would follow you around and wipe it’s snot on you every chance it got. People seem to judge attitudes towards pets based on if you are a “dog person” or “cat person.” I guess in those terms I would be a cat person. Dogs are more aggressive about following you around and generally being annoying. Cats are much more passive and easy to avoid. If cats do bother you too much you can just push it out the door with the side of your foot, getting dogs away from you is usually much more difficult. To get a dog away from you there needs to be an object which you throw which the dog will then run to pick up.

 

‘Knock Knock’ “Bark Bark” “Shut UP!”

So I generally avoid animals whenever possible, but when the pets of other people come into play, you cannot avoid these pets without also avoiding these people. I grew up in the middle of the woods, so basically, every friend I would visit as a kid would have multiple dogs at their house. My house was so clean, I had one cat growing up, but these houses my friends would live in had dogs on the couches almost all the time and the house would have an odd, dirty, smell. I was thinking the whole time “what the fuck is wrong with you people” to my friends’ parents. However I know that this would have been very disrespectful so I would always keep my opinions to myself. Whenever I would visit a friend, their parents would say “sit down and make yourself comfortable.” In my own mind I would reply by saying “your couch is fucking disgusting I am not sitting down.” If a person who you are visiting can ever tell that you are uncomfortable with all the pets present, they will turn it around so that; they are not crazy for having so many pets, you are just a whimp. They will say something smug like “what’s the matter never seen a dog before?”

 

I don’t understand people who have a lot of pets. If someone has one or two pets, that is understandable, but once you are at the point where there are three or more dogs in a small house, that is not good. Growing up in the middle of nowhere there were a lot of farms that would have a bunch of cats and dogs, but the people I am talking about would have the same number of animals in a trailer. Farmers need a lot of pets to keep unwanted animals out, but what kind of logic would trailer trash use? “I like living in filth and it keeps robbers away by poisoning them with methane gas from my disgusting fucking piss stained trailer?” I don’t know what the logic is here, maybe these trailer trash saw the farmers with all of their pets and thought “I could do that, I don’t see why not.” Maybe because they have WAY more space then you do.

 

I Don’t Care About Your Pets

Whenever I am in a situation where I am talking to a friend and one of their pets is present, I make the mistake of guessing the gender of the pet wrong. I will, without thinking about it, refer to the pet as a “he” or a “she.” I will do this without thinking and it seems to be completely random which one I end up picking, but it always seems to be incorrect. My friend will say something like “it’s a HE” at least that is how it always was growing up. Now that all of my friends are adults, none of them would give a shit enough to correct me. But growing up, I always seemed to be wrong. I have had a few pets, I’ve never known the gender of any of my pets, it is usually not overly obvious which gender a pet is. Unless the pet has big dangly balls, I don’t know the gender and I never care enough to check. Why would I check the gender of a pet? To correct my friends when they guess the gender wrong? I guess so, because that is the only really practice use of that information.

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