By: Brad Manock
As a socially awkward individual, getting a girl to go on a date with you is near impossible. However, once you get a girl to go out with you it feels like you finally got over that mountain of a challenge and you are victorious. The challenge is not over at that point though, there is now the actual date itself which can be just as awkward and unusual as any other situation. Being an awkward guy and getting a date would be about equivalent to losing in the first round of a single-elimination tournament over and over, then finally winning in the first round. It feels like such a monumental milestone that you forget about the fact that there is a second round. The date with that girl is that second round of the tournament which is often not even thought about until it actually happens.
Wait…You Said Yes?
I have never went on a fancy first date with a girl, it is always very casual and rather unplanned. I tend to plan things about a week in advance, enough time to get every detail worked out so that nothing will go wrong. I always try to set up the time, place, and what to do. The girl never seems to care about these details at all. I will ask something like “what address should I pick you up at?” The girl will usually say something like “drive north I will call you in a half-hour with an address.” I get very OCD-esque when it comes to planning so it is a very bad sign when I do not have all of the details planned by at least a few hours before the date. Usually the girl will call back a half hour later and say something like “do you know where the library is you can pick me up from there.” I never know where these libraries or other landmarks are so then I am totally lost.
Information?! I’m Not Giving You That Shit!
Most of these girls I have gone on dates with were ones I met online that I had never actually met before. This can make for some interesting situations. One time I was driving to meet a girl for the first time, on the way there I got a call from her, she asked me to pick her up a box of cigarettes before I got there and she will pay me back later. I won’t date a smoker, which is one of my few deal-breakers. So that was probably the fastest a date went bad, 20 minutes before the first date. Girls you meet online are always a lot less cute in person so occasionally I meet a girl and I instantly think “wait is this the right girl? Please tell me you’re the ugly friend of the girl I am supposed to meet.” Is that mean? Absolutely, but I don’t fuck around with girls I just want to find one good one, so I get to be very picky.
Here Are My Friends!
Another part of the date structure is the “what to do” factor. When this gets overlooked it makes for a very awkward date. Usually how it goes is that I (the awkward guy) am introduced to the girl’s circle of friends. The one-on-one date scenario is out the window at that point, you now have to deal with all these new strangers simultaneously who are judging you because your “trying to get with” whoever the girl is. I have never been in a situation where I was in the position of “new guy” and the situation was not horribly awkward. I always like to have a schedule figured out in my head so that I can make sure the date is a one-on-one situation the whole way through.
How well the date goes depends entirely on how structured it is and how much control I have. If I am in a town I am unfamiliar with and I am following the girl around because she is showing me where to go, I know the date will not go well. People often think of a date as a very social activity, I prefer to think of a date as bringing someone into my world rather then trying to project myself. It is similar to how I think of stand-up comedy; it is not a social activity to me. Instead of projecting my ideas to a crowd I think of it as taking a crowd into my mind and showing them around. It is a very internal activity.