By: Brad Manock
I was a very late bloomer in terms of dating. By the way I love the term “late bloomer,” it sounds much better then “creepy and anti-social.” I did not ever get a girlfriend until I was a senior in high school, and it was not due to lack of trying. Looking back at middle school and high school now I should be thinking “if I could go back to try it again all of the girls would like me” however I do not think that. The cards were so thoroughly stacked against me that even if I could go back in time and try again I would still have no chance. In high school people would tell me “if you want a girlfriend you just have to be more social and get out there more.” No, that would not have worked for me and in this article I will discuss why sometimes quiet guys are hopeless in terms of dating until they graduate.
Date Girls Your Own Age Even Though They All Hate You
Personally, I like girls who are 2-3 years younger then me. I was always so behind the curve socially that talking to someone the same age as me was like trying to communicate to someone from another planet. However in middle school and high school you are pretty much stuck trying to date girls from your own class for a few years before it becomes acceptable to date younger girls. This was a problem for me because I had always been the strange and awkward kid and I did not ever have a chance to get rid of that image once I got old enough that I could have dated. All of a sudden I am in a situation where all the girls that I could have dated did not like me.
You Are Not A Farmer? Loser!
I lived in the middle of nowhere, everyone was a farmer-redneck and if I could not get along with those people I had nowhere to run. My graduating class consisted of about 25 kids, in larger schools there is enough people that you would not hit a social dead end, but in a class of 25 it was unfortunately, very possible, to be disliked by every single person. If you are a socially awkward person in a small school and you have gotten a negative reputation with every single person, move away. “But Brad what about when other kids move into town?” Well in that case the new kid would talk to the other kids and they would say something like “That weird kid is Brad he is quiet and creepy don’t talk to him.”
The solution that most people would give me is to “quit being so quiet.” However this is another situation of a self-sustaining problem. Once you are branded as the “quiet kid” people make it impossible to ever get rid of that image. If I would see a group of people talking and I would approach the group, they would simply not look at me or make room in the circle for me because I could not possibly contribute anything meaningful to the conversation. Every time I EVER spoke at school, it was an interruption. I had no close circle of friends for a while so I was never a part of one-on-one conversations. All of my conversations were of larger groups that would have a nice flow to their conversations without any quiet spots. All of the participants of the conversation would talk during their turn and be aware of the other participants so that they would give everyone time to talk. I was never on this radar of “participants” so I was never left a place to talk.
Look At Brad, The Quiet Freak
Occasionally the circle of participants would give me a chance to speak, however this was treated like a circus show like “hey lets have Brad talk, everybody watch.” Then they would ask a question about a subject I had no knowledge on. “Hey Brad who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl?” or “did you go hunting?” They never asked anything about video games or anything else that I had even a little bit of knowledge on. I never followed sports and I didn’t hunt or fish or anything like that. So when a question about these more redneck subjects would come up, I had no interesting answer. Just something short like “I don’t hunt.”
All of the girls that were in my class wanted the stereotypical cowboy-redneck type of guy, which was the exact opposite of what I am. I was more creative then my classmates though I didn’t seem like it at the time. Back then intelligence seemed to be measured entirely on how much you knew about vehicles and farm equipment. If someone drove around some dirt bike they tinkered with themselves they were thought of as some kind of creative prodigy. I did not know anything about vehicles so I was thought of as unintelligent, as well as creepy and quiet so from the perspective of the girl, I had nothing to offer at all.
Of course there was the light at the end of the tunnel, the light that I had waited for all these years. Once I moved out of town for college there were girls my age who were not fat whores, which was a rarity back in my home town. These girls also did not know I was the “quiet kid” and that brand did not linger over me any more. Of course I attend online college so I still don’t get to talk to girls much. Sigh.